Losing Her Hair

This entire process has felt like a dream.  Things have happened so fast that things don't seem real.  I'm still waiting for someone to give us a call and say, "Well, we made a mistake.  Janna doesn't really have leukemia."  I know everyone who has a loved one battling cancer has probably thought the same thing, but when you see Janna - and hear of how healthy her bone marrow seems to be, how healthy her heart is...how healthy she is EXCEPT for this little thing called Leukemia, which, by the way, doesn't show itself in any physical way - it hasn't seemed real.  Until today.

Janna is losing her hair.  It started slowly, with strands of hair on her pillow, on her clothes and in the shower.  But in the last 24 hours, it's really started to come out in large clumps.  Now, all this means is that she is healing, that the chemo is doing it's job.  It doesn't mean she is any more sick than she was when she started - to the contrary, she's better now than she was when she started.  But, it's really the first and only physical manifestation of her battle with cancer.  Even the picc line she has came before she was diagnosed (from the surgeries she had a week before she was diagnosed).

I love her more than anything, and losing her hair won't change that.  It won't change the way the boys adore her either (ok, Clara too).  But it has hit home a bit.  My wife has cancer.