We saw "A Christmas Carol" with my parents and Scott and Brooke. A lovely, lovely time.
For months before Clara was born, I'd had "sinus problems". By November, I'd completely lost my sense of taste and smell. And forget about breathing through my nose. By December, the hearing in my left ear was impaired. I paid a visit to the ENT (Dr. Khanna -- click on the link and tell me he doesn't resemble Steve Carrell) to see if there was anything that could be done while I was pregnant. He gave me an antibiotic. When that didn't work, he offered a steroid to help with the inflammation. I declined and decided I'd just wait for this baby to be born to really attack it.
By the time Clara was born, the right side of my nose was really swollen and the hearing in my right ear was also impaired. I figured it was just a raging, untreated infection (we found out later, of course, this was the tumor). The rest of the story is best told as a series of tender mercies.
I paid another visit to Dr. Khanna four days after Clara was born. We recognize this as a blessing because it put me under the watchful eye of a doctor. Normally, I wouldn't be in such a hurry to rush off to doctors so soon after giving birth. But, between the swollen nose, loss of taste and smell, and the hearing going, I wanted some relief. I was nursing Clara, so I knew I was still somewhat limited in what could be done, but had more options than when pregnant. Dr. Khanna prescribed a steroid and sent me for a CT scan of my sinuses. Two days later, I started having earaches. I was miserable. I returned for a follow-up visit where Dr. Khanna reviewed my CT scans (my sinuses, particularly the right side, were a mess of polyps and other junk) and attempted to do a myringotomy. This is a procedure to drain fluid from the ear. My hearing was very impaired at this point. I couldn't hear my kids unless they spoke right in my ear and Cory had to yell at me. He wasn't able to drain any fluid because my ears were so inflamed and one side had a polyp. I was really disappointed because I'd been hoping for some relief from the earache and hearing loss. He sent me home with a different steroid. The next day, my right eye started to swell. I called him that evening to ask if it could be a reaction to the steroid but he didn't think so. The next morning, I looked like this:
The morning my eye swelled shut was the morning my mom came into town. We recognize this as a huge blessing. We picked the date (January 31, Clara's due date) in November for her to come help with the baby. Since I'd had 3 early babies, we'd hoped the baby would be here by that time. Sure enough, she was!
Cory took a picture and went into Dr. Khanna's office to show him. He had Cory make an appointment to bring me in the following day (Friday February 1). I continued to feel horrible the rest of Thursday. I told my mom and Cory I thought I was dehydrated. I was trying to drink and eat to have enough to make milk for Clara, but I did not have an appetite at all. That night, Cory called the Bishop -- the ecclesiastical leader for our church congregation -- to help him administer a priesthood blessing. I just lay in bed as they placed their hands on my head to administer a blessing from my Heavenly Father. Even though they were standing right over me, I couldn't hear a word of what was said, but I could feel the power of faith. My mom and Cory told me the words that were said. Among many other things, I was admonished to be patient. More immediately, I was blessed to be able to sleep that night...which I did.
We went to Dr. Khanna's office -- me semi-comatose -- the next day. He tried again to relieve some pressure from my ears, and then told Cory he needed to get me to the hospital and we'd do surgery the next day. We went home to get some personal things and I nursed my baby for what would be the last time. It's hard to explain how difficult it was to leave my kids, and especially my not quite two-week old baby, for the unknown. I didn't know what was wrong with me, I didn't know when I would be back. The Lord's tender mercy in having my mom here was no small thing. While I did not want to leave her, there is no one else I could imagine taking care of her if it couldn't be me or Cory. As those days turned into a week in the hospital, I missed her and worried that she wouldn't know who I was. I worried that I wouldn't be able to nurse her again. But, I never worried that she wasn't being completely taken care of and loved. My mom took on the role of mom again as she took care of my 4 kids so Cory could be with me during the day at the hospital. I cannot adequately express to her or my Heavenly Father my gratitude for that. And, as I've worried about my kids through this whole process, the spirit has whispered to me that they were His before they were mine and He would take care of them. The Lord is ever mindful of and taking care of our family.
Cory took me to the ER and, once I was in a room, he went back home late that night and returned in the morning. I vividly remember being in pre-op the next day, not being able to hear anyone as they'd come talk to me (nurses, anesthesiologists, etc.) and looking to Cory to interpret. He'd either tell me in a voice I could hear, or type it on his phone. I felt so horrible and it was taking so long...I asked Cory to stroke my arm to help me relax. This was the man who helped me relax through 4 labors, and he did it again. I was in much more need of mental and physical relaxation at this point, and having him there holding my hand and stroking my arm allowed me to finally fall asleep. It was a deep enough sleep that I was startled awake when the nurse came in to wheel me to the OR. I think I will always remember and treasure that simple yet powerful experience. Cory was my rock that whole week in the hospital (and always). Dare I say it was one of the most romantic times in our marriage. Romance is not what is depicted in movies. It's fun to watch and makes us feel good, but having my husband right at my side, administering priesthood blessings and holding my hand as we faced one of the most scary things of our lives, was beyond romantic.
After surgery (Saturday morning), Dr. Khanna told us I'd probably go home Monday. Great! My eye, though still swollen shut, wasn't as red and swollen. Sunday morning we had a visit from the infectious disease doctor (What? Why were we getting a visit from her?), who wasn't so sure I'd be leaving so soon. She was concerned about the eye. Another CT scan was ordered, and they found there was an abscess behind the eye. And so began the search for a hospital with an ocuplastic surgeon. By Monday evening it was decided I'd be transferred to George Washington University Hospital in DC. About 9:30 that night, Cory left me for my ambulance ride to DC while he went back home.
The swollen eye was absolutely a tender mercy that saved my life. And, the location of the abscess was a blessing. If my eye hadn't swollen, there would not have been a rush for the first surgery. Had we not done the first surgery, there wouldn't have been pathology to send out to find the cancer. Had the abscess been slightly in a different direction, we wouldn't have known about it until I went blind, or it affected my brain. We know the Lord was taking care of the details.
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